Just us.

This is what I posted to good ole Facebook on Mother's day. Wanted to have easy access to it for future reference.... As I look at the pics being changed to my friends and their mothers I decide I want to change mine as well, to one from when I was little. After a little bit of digging (I'm lazy, okay?) I realize I don't have one. I'm sure my mama or my grandma or someone does, but I know there aren't many. My mama was the one behind the camera more times than not, as most moms are, but it's not just because "she's the mom." You see, as beautiful as my mama is, and always has been, she also has some body image issues (who among us doesn't?!). I have a pretty vivid memory of being in NM one fall when I was 9 or 10 and taking a picture with my grandma, my auntie, my mom, and I. I was sitting on my mom's knee and she said "lets sit up straight, it makes ya look thinner." She didn't mean this to me specifically, it's just the way she thought, and said it out loud. I like to think there once was a voice in her head that thought she was perfect, but after a few bad men, and society, the voice was quieted. I also like to think that after some time being away from all of that, and working on herself (from the inside out) her voice is getting louder. Here's what I know though: for all my mama's insecurities, she passed a voice on to me. One that tells me when I look into the mirror to stop being so hard on myself. One that tries to see the beauty in the unconventionally beautiful. One that YELLS at me to never let the boys hear me say I'm fat or ugly. One that wants them to think for themselves on what's beautiful and what isn't. One that never wants my children to judge their own self worth based on their size or weight. My mama gave me a voice that wants the self deprecating voices to end with me. So, for Mother's Day I'm giving a gift to my mama and my boys. A picture of us, just as they see me everyday; nappy noodles, traces of fatigue and yesterday's make up under my eyes, and whatever clothes I happened to throw on. They won't remember me dressed up for our yearly pictures, they will remember this mama. More importantly I WANT them to remember me this way. I want them to have pictures that reflect the childhood they really had. Boys, I hope one day you look at this picture with someone and you laugh and tell them "see where my nappy noodles came from?" Mama, I hope you look at this picture and know that because of you, I have a voice that demands I teach your grandsons to see life differently, to treat people better, and to love themselves no matter what. Thank you.